Yeah, yeah, yeah, too early.

But I need to document better.  My memory sucks and I need to write things down, here or elsewhere, to make sure I can go back at any time and remember.

Tonight, finding high school love letters from 2 guys under the stairs brought back so many things I had forgotten.  I sat there, in the closet under the stairs and cried.  I cried for the dumbass I was  and for the dumbass I am.

doing something not quite safe.

My aching feet!  I have been going non-stop since Friday morning – luncheon, shopping, work, party, another party, making mac and cheese, one more party and then shopping (found the cutest coat!) and drinks.

I am so sick of heels!  I am so tired!

Tonight was another party for the same crew.  Actually, I had 2 parties – both were fun.  I did not even heat this story tonight, but it makes me smile.

SHE: You know, I don’t get it.  Everyone says she is witty [referring to me, and I do love that a year later I am still conversation even though I have avoided her since New Years], but I do not see it.

Him:  No, you wouldn’t.

Me: Snort.

____

I was in the middle of a talk with the friend who had cancer about her period returning after being told she was totally, just about 100% in menopause, when we were interrupted for some stupid story about SHE’s husband’s 40th.

I listened for a bit, made some comment to counteract some negative remark she made (about a gift brought by someone sitting RIGHT THERE) and then made a remark about the hubbie not being able to see since it was a 40th bday party.  Another gal laughed at me and she and I did the “eye to eye” thing with the fingers….like “we are so on the same page” type of thing since we were giggling and then SHE says some remark about putting the heel of her shoe in my eye.

It was not funny, it was not appropriate, but I let is slide.  I then got through about another 10 words of her stupid story and decided to go get another drink.  The story was not interesting or funny, so I went elsewhere, fully knowing it would go noticed that I walked away, but really not caring at all.

Later, she asked if I was pissed about what she said.  “Didn’t even register” was my reply.  Then I got up and walked away again.

Hehe.  So fun to push buttons.  Simple little ways to entertain myself.

In the last week I have had 3 different women stop me at a party, at dinner and at a luncheon to tell me how pretty my skin is.

And I always say “No, I promise, my skin is not that great, I wear good makeup!”  The truth.  If I had good skin I would not be at the dermatologist crying all the time.

I have dry skin.  Creping along the outer eye area and really bad on the neck.  Those little pink veins around the nose that I would laser off if I could only afford it.  Cystic acne (about 80-90% controlled right now which means I get them every other week and they last for 4 days instead of 4 months). A dry patch on my left chin area that is from the 6 months of benzoyl peroxide that damaged my skin beyond belief in 2008, leaving me with this area that might need micro-dermabrasion.

Not good skin.

But I do love the Bare Escentuals line for the fake good skin it gives me.

Tonight, I am going to try their rare minerals night treatment.  Makeup at night.  For a girl that even if barfing my guts out from booze will wash my face before bed.

So, I guess I am thankful for good makeup to hide my many flaws.  Now if Bare Escentuals would just figure out a way to make my thighs look good.

Boy, am I tired.  This week has just gone on and on and on.  And if I am not running to look at a fence issue I am running out to cocktails or trying to attack my Christmas shopping.

Today I went from listing appointment to snazzy lunch to a party to shop at a huge mall a half hour away (started yawning as soon as I hit the door of the mall and I am sure it was my brain begging to go home and NOT be put through that hell), then I went to another mall just to make sure the torture was complete.

Now? TIRED!  I almost had tomorrow off but now I am showing property and I have to find time to clean this house.  It is icky.

I could have started tonight, but my nails looked like hell so I am trying to type very carefully as they dry.

I know I am boring!  I am not sure how to fix that, but I will try to think of something (like checking my eh@rm*ny acct?!?)

I am that gal that HAS to be done with most (if not all) of my holiday shopping by the time the Black Friday sale comes around.  I just do not have the patience for a crowded mall and stacks of tacky sweaters in 23 colors.

Some very nice clients sent along Gap friends and family.  And I had NINE kids to buy for this year.  NINE!  Stop reproducing, people!

Anyway, I got all but 2 toys for my niece and nephew purchased (and I have them all ready to go on Amazon).

This means I need a few stocking stuffers for the niece and nephew, a few small things for 2 friends, some books or whatever for my mother, father, and uncle, and a gift for grandma.

Then I need hostess gifts for parties and I am DONE!  Mom, Dad and Uncle will likely choose some sort of theater thing to go enjoy instead of gifts.  I am pushing for Vegas and Cirque.  But whatever.

I intend to enjoy this holiday season, which officially starts with a party this weekend.  It feels good to have most of the hard stuff done!

(And I am drunk off of one cocktail and am so ready for bed.  At 8:30!!!)

Today I am working on my Christmas list.  Not what I want, but who I need to buy for and any ideas I have for them.

I find it funny how you can find the perfect $10 gift for someone and then there are times you cannot think of one damn thing for someone else.  Even for 10 times that amount.

Most of my friends I am asking if we can *do* something instead of *buy* something.  This year just went way too fast and I would rather spend time doing anything than opening something I do not need or giving something that is not needed.  Hence, I am trying to institute a $10 limit and then a plan for pedi’s or drinks or museums or anything!  Shit!  I would be happy with pj’s and couch time  – also known as how I spent last night!

So, I am feeling grateful as I go through the list.  These  people who have stuck around over the last few years as I have lost my mind and generally ignored them for work.  I wish I had tons of cash to buy them all what they deserve.

My grandmother is sort of deciding she would like to die soon.  And I think that is what is driving home the point that time will actually mean more than anything else.  My mother has said for at least the last 7 years that it could be her last holiday – and for the first time I think it might.  She weighs 78 pounds and she fell recently and banged herself up and she sort of decided she did not want to get better.  All of her friends are gone or have lost their marbles – I think she is bored.  I asked if she would take anti-depressants for a few months – just to try them out and see if it would bring back her appetite.  But she won’t.

So, this holiday season will not be about stuff.  It will be about laughter and quiet times and just being together.  It will be about shared histories and toasting the unknown future.  This year has been another whirlwind and I want to be able to take a deep breath and enjoy a few moments.  I want to reflect on how lucky I am and I want to think about what I want from next year.

Where post offices and banks are closed and the rest of us have to work!  YAY!!!

I got a whole hour and a half of sleep last night.  And I wish there a good reason.  I think it is just a toxic combination of way too much wine, no ventilation in my room, cats hissing at each other between my legs, and my system just being “off”.

I have been on a white flour carby goodness BINGE.  And I am breaking out, puffy, 2 pounds heavier, retaining water and possibly other things.

English muffins are my downfall.  I LOVE them.   And a 2 for 1 deal means I have twice as many things that I do not need in the house!

I think I will go throw the rest out.  I also have asparagus in the fridge  – maybe that would be a better idea for this girl, huh?

I am waiting on a check.  Stupid referrals always take too damn long to get to us.  The house closed last week.  The checks went out on that day – so why can my company not process it so I can pay some billz.

Anyway…I am heading to work to do the 5 or 6 small things I need accomplish (a few of which are personal errands, but all things go on the list and count as work around here!)

Then I am heading home to nap.  Cuz I think this rosy outlook is going to change in 3 hours!

I had a date last night.

I tarted up to spend 4 hours across from someone I am never going to want to see naked.  What a waste of time.  I would have rather cleaned out my nightstand.

I am thinking of joining M@tch instead.  I am feeling good enough about myself to be able to meet people a few nights a week.  eH@rm*ny is just so much work.  I don’t care about your inner feelings right now…mostly cuz I do not care about you.

Might as well practice date while I am so anti-boy, right?   Not like I have a ton of other things going on.