Utter Shit

Yesterday I commented about a friend’s openness to being hurt and all that jazz.  Long story short, he is getting a divorce (no one knows why he married her) and apparently has fallen head over heels for someone else.

Drama.

I was called in to decipher the new girlfriends motives/wants/needs/level of crazy.  I was supportive and told him my honest opinion.

The next day we chatted via email real quick and I said “I am glad you are pursuing the relationship with her” and he said “I’m over it”.

What I did not tell him was what he started that night.  It was one of the best, most open conversations I have had with a man….maybe ever.  And my brain started going…and going….and I could not turn it off.

Some of the things he said were exactly what my deepest fantasies (that I will barely admit to)  (and I am not talking sex here!) would require.

So…here is this guy with a wife he is trying to get rid of…a girlfriend who is playing major games….and now,  NOW, I am curious.  Way to give yourself a complete mind fuck.

I barely know how to continue this.   So I guess I will go to the shortest version – I have known him for almost 13 years.  I have never ever wanted to make out with him.  I have always had a sneaking suspicion that in his mind the option for more was there, but he was married.  He popped into my life every few years to check on me and then would go again.

So it was a surprise to feel this way and then to get so wrapped up in it that it was all I could think about for more than two weeks.

Then, lets add my summer plan to drink as much as possible…and well….shit.  Not that he is innocent…we both knew what we  were doing.

I think we are both sitting here confused.  I am pretty sure this is going nowhere.   I do not even know what to think.    I am pretty sure the 2 hours of sleep are not helping my emotional state or my ability to think.

I just texted him that I hoped we had not just added an unnecessary level of drama to his life, to our friendship.  He sent back that he has no expectations “nor boundaries” whatever the fuck that means.

Argh….fuckity fuck fuck fuck.