Filed under: Illness
(written last night and not posted)
What do you do when do not pray? When a friend (no one mentioned here) does not wake up from surgery? When no one knows if she will ever wake up.
God, I hate this shit. I am surrounded by cancer on a daily basis at this point…a friend, 2 aunts (one with breast cancer that is not responding to treatment, one with lung cancer so newly diagnosed we know almost nothing), my moms best friend with some odd cancer wrapped around her intestines, and now a colleague with a brain tumor who is not responding after surgery.
I no longer know what to do…overwhelmed by bad news.
**
Today:
She left us today. And I feel so bad that I did not say goodbye when I could. This was not the outcome we expected. When they send you in for surgery you are supposed to come out of it. The doctors are not supposed to do more damage.
She would have been better off with some hare brained juice diet or acupuncture. The outcome may have been the same but she would have had more time. More time with her children and grandchildren. More time to enjoy her friends.
We should have had a pre-brain surgery party. There should have been some moment to say….anything.
She wants a party as her farewell – the same thing I told my own mother today as we were waiting to go play in Napa all day. A party it shall be.
I am so sorry this is what we are left with. It is SO, so wrong.
Filed under: Cats
Is a damn science class for my cat.
Will someone PLEASE come explain to him that the sunbeams are not part of the plantation shutters? Multiple times a day he paws and meows at one side, I open them up, allow him to get in between the shutters and the window and he turns around and paws and meows at the other side.
SUNBEAMS RUN IN A STRAIGHT LINE YOU DUMB ANIMAL!!!!!!!!! Stop asking ME to move them. This is a power I do not have.
I take you in the office and show you the back of the couch FULL OF SUN and you ignore it, wanting to lounge in the room I am in….in SUN I CANNOT BEND TO YOUR WILL!!!!
This is a never ending fight. And I wonder of you think I am just holding out on you….since eventually, the sun does move into a position you like….but not for long.
I need you, my dear pet, to realize I am not omnipotent. I do not make the sun warm, I do not move it across the sky. I am thrilled you think this is my world and I can make it into anything you want….but can you learn that all I can do is turn on the heating pad? The other cat seems satisfied with that. Why can’t you?
Filed under: Being Mere
Can you get high via osmosis? I think it is possible. My friend without cancer ended up in the ER on IV painkillers and muscle relaxers on Monday night.
And now? I have lost my damn mind.
Looked all over for the upstairs phone…all over…while talking on the downstairs phone. It was not on the bed (usual place) or on the nightstand (charger) or on the floor (damn cats) or anywhere!
Found it in a bathroom drawer next to my toothbrush. WTF?
Ok…this one is better. I decided to revamp my drip system in the backyard today. I grabbed my phone and ran to the hardware store.
When I got back in the car I threw my purse on the passenger seat and looked….AT THE TV REMOTE CONTROL.
Huh? I had the phone, I had my shopping list, and apparently I thought the remote needed a ride. Thankfully I saw it before I was looking for it, because I have to tell you I would not have checked the car!!
Filed under: Being Mere
Right now…on my bed are the following items:
Me with laptop.
Box (photo box) of vitamins (I store them this way so I can shove them in the cabinet in my nightstand….I tend to take lots of vitamins). It also contains some lip balm and eye cream. And altoids. Ya know….just in case? In case of what I have no idea.
Skin Type Solution – bought my own copy after a gal at work lent me hers and I fell in love with it. BTW, L’Occitane face cream with 25% shea butter? ROCKS!
Another new book that shall remain nameless for now since I am using it as my anti-valentines “thing to read and laugh over” when I go out on on anti-valentines day dates with the girls. That morning I am hitting an antique sale on the peninsula…then wine and book and laughs !
3 remotes. 1 for TV, 1 for cable, 1 for DVD.
Spiral notebook with list of new supplements/vitamins to try with dosage.
Pile of clean underwear and socks. I folded the rest of the laundry last night, and thought I would get to this tonight…not so much.
Stack of workout clothes for tomorrow morning.
One file from a title office – legal size. Empty.
The UltraSimple Diet book
The UltraMetabolism book.
The UltraMetabolism extra file you can download with tests (I took em!) and supplement/vitamin info. My friend without cancer had a really shitty night last night and ended up in the ER and now more than ever I am aware of my health (and I am thankful for it) and I want to maintain it the best I can. What she and I have both read is that inflammation is the enemy. I am going to do what I can to avoid the place she is right now.
Another spiral notebook. Monster pets. Love this book. I use it for work notes when I am home and supposedly “working”. I also doodle in it when talking to boys. The first time I talked with Oakley I wrote stars on 2/3 of the page. I just drew over and over and over them for like an hour and a half. I tend to doodle when I talk on the phone. But usually it is notes. I can write certain words down and be able to recall the whole conversation.
Heinerman’s Encyclopedia of Healing Juices
The Glass Castle – which I have not started yet.
A tax organizer.
Random – a headband, a pen, 4 regular pillows and 2 large decorative pillows (one with cat sleeping on top), real phone, cell phone, 10x mirror, sweatshirt – recently removed now has other cat on top.
My little workspace is overflowing! I think I need to clear it off in order to sleep!
Ahhh…Nina Simone….
We have been discussing weddings lately since a friend is getting married this summer and she is not good at planning a wedding. I take that back – she is GOOD, but she gets overwhelmed with the choices involved. Anyway…I was talking music with her sister and she said Feeling Good will be their song.
And I said that was fine, but I always thought it would be what was playing at my wedding right after the vows are done and you start to walk back down the aisle….I love the stripper/burlesque start to that song…and she could not freak out if I use it (in like 50 years when some guy and I are using our walkers to get down the aisle).
Then the bride freaked out because she feels like the ONLY girl who has not dreamed of her wedding. To be truthful, all I have is that song and the one I would dance with my dad to…other than that I have nothing planned for any future (futile?) wedding.
Anyway….I am in a great mood today. Why? No. freaking. idea.
Maybe because I have had a productive week? Maybe because I am finally not so overwhelmed with all I have to do at work. A system is falling into place and it takes a little stress out of the equation. Maybe because I feel a bit more in control of my days at work? I still need more deals! But I feel like I can get them with this new system…it will have to lead to one or two or lots of possible referrals.
Maybe because I am having a girl date with a friend that will include pizza and a movie and no drinks (for me!)? Maybe because I have the day off? Maybe because the house is clean and all I have to do is laundry?
Maybe.
But I am going to enjoy it!
Filed under: Work
FUCK YOU INTERNET! Fuck you and your stupid dumbass armchair real estate agents who email me FROM CANADA (oh…yes…googled your fucking email and you have CL ads for roommates in CALGARY) and tell me something is overpriced. FUCK YOU! You have not seen the home! You are in CANADA!!!
Aaack! Hate my job sometimes.
I got nothing.
The grapefruit/apple/ginger juice and zicam cure is working. My fear is that it is pushing the cold into my chest. The only symptom I have is a heavy feeling in my chest and a little, tiny cough. If I end up with bronchitis instead of a lame cold I will be pissed!
Today, I was almost out of apples so I made grapefruit/apple/kiwi/mango. I have not had any yet, but I will report back. I hope it is yummy. I am totally addicted to the grapefruit/apple one – the tang (and lack of white sugar) grows on you. And it cleans you out….if you know what I mean…..
***
Work is hectic. My biz coach (well the company) started this 90 day bootcamp so I am out seeing clients, trying to drum up business, adding lots of hours to my day. If you know me…be prepared for me to be on your doorstep fairly soon – we can bypass the whole thing if you just start referring people to me!
I was explaining to a client about my goals – and the honest truth is I got really good at what I do in the last 18 months. I want to own my little valley here. That’s all. I want my own little real estate fiefdom. I just want to be the go-to-girl if you are thinking of buying or selling. Hell, you do not have to use me, I just want you to interview me and rule me out.
I do not expect the checks to be handed to me. I am more than happy to bust my ass for each and every client to earn the checks. I just want YOUR friends and family to know about me before they use some tool to sell their home. Ya know? Because nothings chaps my hide like a lazy or stupid agent. And there are plenty of them out there.
Is that too much to ask?
***
Yesterday, I decided to stay home until 9:30 to watch the inauguration. I have never watched before, but I figure the swearing in of a black man as president is pretty important to our country and our culture. I was glad I did. Something to tell the kids about…
***
Then we had the day from hell. LONG. Looked at 15 bank owned properties (depressing) and did my little visits to clients and went on tour. Got home at 7. In the dark. Boy was I wiped out.
***
No other plans other than work, work, work.
Filed under: Being Mere
Fighting a cold. DAMMIT! I was so good for 2 whole weeks- no booze, sleeping well, eating well….and one night out with a few too many cocktails and I end up with a damn cold.
I am drinking this. Pretty good….a but tangier than I would have thought. Probably needed more apple.
I am taking these. Except I am an asshole and in lookig for that link see that you should not have citrus juice within 30 mins of taking it….so I guess the one I took on the way home from the store was a waste.
And I WAS staying home…but now I have to go show 10 houses. Whee!
Filed under: dating
I am a nerd. We are clear on that, right?
This is why -
Email from me: Then I guess your only other job will be to decide if you want sports bar, dive bar or nice bar. I lean towards the dive or the nice with no real proclivities towards either one.
His email: let’s take your proclivities to a dive bar.
And I freaking laughed out loud and sort of fell in love.
Dizzy. Again. 3rd day in a row. It hits around 2 or so. I am having different lunches, so it isn’t that. Today we have the added bonus of cramps! YAY! And I am in NO WAY pms-ie. And not pregnant, either. Just in case you were gonna ask.
Ugh. Mystery illness can suck it.
***
Bach # 3 (of the awesome, maybe tying too hard first date) dumped me today due to lack of chemistry. What. Ever.
So that leaves me dumped twice, the dumper once, and still holding out hopes for Bach #4. We will see…..
