Utter Shit

“Pending Insanity”

Do you get it?  A real estate term AND proof I am heading to the booby bin?  I am in this place where I want things to level out, and I want a life, and I want to not work 7 days a week.  BUT!  I also am in an almost constant state of panic that I have not made enough money this year.  Stressed if I do, stressed if I don’t.

I hate the stress.  I hate the responsibilities in my life.  And for the first time I am at a total loss for how to deal with it.

If the contracts we got accepted this week end up closing, I will officially have covered all my living expenses for 2008.  There are other bills to start paying after that….$2600 in dental work needed, $3500 in legal fees for 2009, pay the IRS $5000 for this year and $2000 for last year, start a real savings account and fill with $30K, THEN start paying off the bills from last year.  It makes me tired just thinking about it.

I get overwhelmed just thinking about it.  That list requires $12K to start….$42K to finish….then start on the bills (I have paid off 2 low credit cards, but have 2 larger ones that I want to tackle ASAP – all of it how I survived last year).

Enough whining.  I need to get excited to head to San Diego, attend my favorite conference, eat at my favorite restaurant, sleep, rest.  I hope to come home with an attitude adjustment.