Utter Shit

Came home late last night after a 13 hour workday.  As I go to my bathroom to wash my face, I hear what I think is running water.  I can not figure out where it is – the toilet?  no.  The sink?  no.  The shower?  Well that is where it is loudest, but I cannot figure it out.

I decide it must be rainwater from the new gutters on the house.

This morning, no rain, same noise – only louder.

I run outside, I look at the outside of the building, I go to the garage and put my ear to the wall.  I listen all over this damn house and cannot figure it out.

I call the water company and she walks me through where to find my water meter.  So there I am, muddy hands, Ann Taylor covered knees on wet cement trying to see if there is a leak in the wall that I cannot see, but can hear .

The meter is not moving.

Back in the shower, 4 inch heels on, ear to the wall to figure out where the noise is coming from.

I have to leave.  Which I do not want to do if there is water leaking in my house.

I come home 3 hours later – same. freaking. noise.

Now I am looking for something mechanical that might be moving.  Nothing in the bathroom is plugged in.  It is starting to sound sort of cricket like – and I am questioning my sanity – so I bang the tub to see if the noise will make it stop.  It doesn’t.

I am about to lose my mind when I look at all the bottles in the shower (26 at last count).  Could one of them be making the noise?

And then I find it.  A can of shaving cream, slowly losing its air.  Motherfucker.

It is hard to be this big of a moron, I swear.