Utter Shit

I owe Oklahoma an apology.  In my fury, in my freak-out, I blamed Oklahoma for my missed flight.  It was not in fact Oklahoma’s fault – it was Denver.  So, dear Denver, suck it.

Denver had a small snow flurry which made my plane late coming in and since I was going to miss my connection to San Jose, the airlines would not let me get on the plane.  I slept for 4 hours at a hotel and woke at 3:30 am (1:30 PST) to go back to the airport, back though security, and back onto a plane.

From there, the trip was perfect.

For the record I HAVE BEEN UP SINCE 1:30 THIS MORNING!!

And when I got home?  Had to go to work.  I am a bit tired.

But back to the trip- Oklahoma was very friendly.  Very flat and very friendly.  After arriving (having gotten up at 2:45 am – can you tell I am going to whine in this?) we caught a 5 minute nap, had an early dinner with family and climbed into 2 cars to drive to Arkansas.

I was in grandpa’s new truck.  And on this 2 hour trip in the dark and rain, I sort of fell in love with driving a truck.  It was long, and it was powerful….wait.  What are we talking about?  A truck?  Hm.

Got to grandpa’s house, where we chatted for a bit and went to bed.  Woke the next day to clean out his 2000 sq. ft. home that he has lived in since 1980 (he built this home and the one next door).

Grandpa left no will, no instructions as to what to do or where anything important might be.  So we had to carefully go through everything in the house to make sure we did not let some sentimental trinket or valuable find go into the estate sale.

I started in the utility closet in the kitchen.  Crammed upon the top shelf with lots and lots of batteries and lightbulbs and games was a box of money from all over the world.  He seems to have collected a bill or coin from ever country he visited in WW2 and while in the Coast Guard.  I also found a book about his heritage crammed into a shelf with tons of brown paper bags.

Grandpa was not senile – he was a widower.  Left to 17 years alone in the house, his filing system was a mystery.  Seeing as the man volunteered 50+ hours a week I think he put things away, and sort of forgot that he might want to put it somewhere safer.

I then went to his desk.  In the center drawer I found an item that has ALWAYS stuck in my mind.  At the age of 5, in kindergarten, I have a distinct memory of a sale at school where I remember purchasing a nail trimmer with a peacock on it for a Christmas gift.  For whatever reason, that peacock has been in the back of my mind for almost 30 years – I had no idea who I had bought it for, but I remembered it – and I found it.  In his desk.  It is the only thing I took with me.

I found his typed address books with a card tucked into the front page that says my whole name – the card from my graduation announcement – kept there for 15 years.

We found things that made us laugh, and quite a few that made us cry.

The services were very nice and my father gave a touching eulogy.  The pastors spoke of his devotion to my grandmother – and in truth he was devoted to us all.  He was just as devoted to that church and that town.   I learned what a great man he was.  And that makes me sad  – in some ways I knew, but I never got to celebrate that fact.

I am left with the regret of not spending more time, visiting more often, writing more letters.   I am left to wonder if he knew I loved him as much as I did.  I never said it very often.  But neither did he.  And I would swear on everything I am that he loved me.  I hope he felt the same.