Filed under: Family
I just returned from my appointment with the therapist that is helping the mom sort out all of the brother bullshit. 1 hour and I am exhausted. I want to take a bath and go to bed.
And I cried. I swore I would not…but I did. They know how to get you don’t they?
“I have NO relationship with that child” I spit at the doctor, referring to my niece, the one who looked just like me for the first 2 years of her life.
“And you are disappointed, aren’t you?
Cue waterworks.
Anyway, what came from the whole thing is that we are stuck until the golden child can speak to Herr Doktor and he can find out what the brother really thinks of us all. Oh. I CANNOT wait!!
But my part is done. The therapist wants to find a way we can all get along and can communicate without hurting each other. His goal is to heal the family…and I am sorry to say, I am not sure that is what will happen (or is even possible after everything he has already said). The mom does not seem to want it. She just wants to be able to tolerate him enough to see the granchild(ren). And I am to the point where I do not even like him…so why bother? For some fake, surfacey relationship? Not my style.
My part is done. But I cannot wait to see what happens!!
Filed under: Being Mere
I am the worlds WORST liar. I find it impossible to tell even a white lie.
Case in point: I ran into my regular hairdresser at the mall. The FIRST words out of my mouth are “I CHEATED on you!”, screamed with all the drama I can muster. “I went and saw TROOOOOOOY“, turning purple with guilt.
She looked at me like I was a bit nuts…which admittedly I am, and told me it was ok…and walked away.
God, I SUCK.
I would say that my biggest gripe with my job is that I never have the opportunity to just sit and do nothing. There are always clients to email, mailing lists to update, marketing plans to create. There is always SOMETHING.
And then I go and get sick. Between 2:30 Friday and 8 am Sunday, I did nothing. N.O.T.H.I.N.G. I slept, I ate some comfort food, I drank crazy amounts of crystal light, I watched 45 minutes of tv from the couch and the rest of the time I was in bed.
I may have pushed it a little too much yesterday, getting drunk off of one bloody mary, and not taking my requisite nap.
So here I sit with nothing to do, and it is driving me nuts. Lists of things I should be doing are running through my head….I need more crystal light, and cat litter, and sweet jeebus get your taxes done, and write that repair letter for your current escrow, and JUST GET SHIT DONE.
I tried to do my taxes. I got through 2 months (of the 7 I need to go through) of receipts and my eyes crossed. I wrote a list for the grocery store (I am almost out of Diet Coke…there is only one 12 pack in the house, and THAT will NOT do!) but the new haircut does funny things in nyquil induced 10.5 hour sleeping jags and is not fit to be seen at the local Safeway and a shower would take too much effort.
So here I sit…bored.
Filed under: Pbbbbt
Today, we welcomed in my 33rd year. We were a month late, but who is keeping track?
For the first time ever at the track, I won more than I lost. I spent $17 (betting on the horses, we all spent a ton more on entrance fees and lousy food) and won $36. Not shabby.
I won $11 on the first race with a horse named “Another House”…perfect for a real estate agent, dontcha think?
Golden Gate Fields has the most gorgeous views of the bay and the Golden Gate….from the bathrooms, so make sure to drink a ton when you go. You will want the excuse to visit the restrooms as often as possible.
Filed under: Being Mere
A boy online recently asked me about my tattoo. He asked if I had a picture. I do not. Nor would I have sent them to him if I did.
I chose the tattoo on a whim, out of a CD cover of an album I loved at the time. I had had a design in my wallet for 6 years at that point of a different design, some sun/moon thing and I am so happy I went with my gut.
I chose it because to me it represented an abstract female form. I was an art major, I love what art does with the female body, how it celebrates it, and I am sure this was part of my internal decision whether I was aware of it or not. The design ’spoke’ to me. And quite frankly, it still speaks to me.
We were high the day we went to get tattoos. I was 25 or 26, just about to get my first REAL job with the dot com. A job that did not require weekends and holidays. And a job that we thought would make us all rich. So I did it to celebrate the next phase of my life – working stiff….with hopes of fortune.
But until tonight, I have never wondered about its origins.
It is an interpretation of a Sankofa. It is a West African symbol meaning we have to look back in order to move forward. How appropriate that I put it on my ass.
The best representation I can find is here. The second one…not the bird. And mine is upside down.
Filed under: vanity
Troy. Sigh……Troy.
Troy thinks that Meet the Parents has many levels. Troy is not so smart. But in some ways – he is a genius. Genius can come in many levels.
He has tattoos up and down his arms. They are almost hot. But I cannot say I buy the whole tough tattoo sleeve thing on him.
You see, Troy is more of a pretty boy. A pretty bad boy that you can imagine snorting coke off of a mirror in the back room. But the tattoos…they don’t fit. The coke fits. The fact that me might like boys and girls – but I would say prefers girls – fits. But the tattoos speak of a life I am not positive he has lived.
Now let me say I have a tattoo. But it is in the small of my back, just like every other 30 year old woman who wanted one in their early 20’s. Tattoo does not equal tough. But sleeves of tattoos sort of equals something more.
Troy is my hairdresser. Troy thinks I have fantastic hair…and fantastic hair should have a fantastic cut. And I could not agree more.
Part of me loves Troy. He approaches you and immediately undoes your drape and pushes it down your shoulders. You are wearing a shirt, but you FEEL exposed. I think he does it on purpose. I think he has practiced making you feel a little sexy…maybe a little naughty with your drape exposing one tee shirt covered breast.
He then proceeds to comb your hair, and he really looks at it. Then he feels your head and looks at your neck and traces how your head becomes your neck. Then he just runs his hand through it. As he speaks and tells you that you could be a hair model, he continues to work his hands through your hair. Then he plays with it. Messing it, mussing it, pushing it around to see how it falls.
And then he tells you what he wants to do and you BELIEVE him. It will be fabulous. You must have that fabulous cut.
This time, he does not talk while he cuts. He is silent. “I am very into this haircut” he mumbles at you as he combs a fine amount of hair down the back of your neck and cuts it in the most precise straight line. He is only going for general shape right now.
After his cute assistant drys it, he goes back in and dries it again, molding it. I am taking notes with my eyes. “I need that brush”, “I can do that to my bangs, totally”. Then he cuts again. He holds your hair out and moves it in an arc as he cuts. Making perfect layers. Layers without a razor or those scissors that thin….those never work on my hair. And Troy know that.
It is a fabulous cut. I cannot wait to feel better and take vanity pics.
Filed under: Pbbbbt
When you grab the prescription and run for the door, never asking WHAT is wrong with you as you head out, phone already to ear, to call the other agent of a deal in jeopardy.
Antibiotics, baby. THAT is all I know….oh and the seller is an emotional wreck. I know that, too.
Filed under: Pbbbbt
(Please excuse more whining)
The head does not feel better. I woke up after 10 hours of sleep and a 3+ hour nap, tired. Bone tired.
The mom offered to do my work for me today. But thankfully I went in. I thought I would be done in an hour…then maybe 2…see some houses? ok….3….nope. Worked all damn day. Missed lunch, got my hair cut instead.
I got home at 5 with a dish my mom made me for dinner. Ate that and now, at 5:49, I am taking nyquil and going to bed.
You know how sometimes when kids need to sleep they cry? I am about to have one of those cries.
There had better be drugs coming my way tomorrow.
I think I have a sinus infection. Which means food does not sound good. And I can barely taste it anyway. All I crave is instant chocolate pudding. Is that weird? Oh, and Cheerios.
I got my new purple patent shoes yesterday. I was not sure they fit right, but was going to try again in the morning when my feet were not swollen from a full day of work.
This morning I look down and that damn cat, Ile-chey, is chewing on the toe. Teeth marks in my new shoes. Guess I am not returning them now.
Filed under: Being Mere
It took him 6 hours to find me.
I decided that since Christmas boy had not emailed me about going out again, and I am bored, I would throw myself back on match.
He found me. He says….”I did not read your profile, I know some people are weird about that”. Puh-leeze. I responded “It is a total work of fiction, I do not mention the word neurotic one time!”. Because it is all about making ME laugh.
I am sick. Again. WTF? My throat has hurt for 3 days. I decided to use the zicam last night and I am not sure what was in the bottle, but it felt much like acid when it hit my sinuses. I laid there, in the dark, and let my eye water for 3 hours before the sleeping pills kicked in. I am really tired now.
And just to add insult to injury…or injury to insult, as it were….I have to go back and have the cancer removed again this morning. I am sure it will not be as bad as last time, but it had just healed.
__
More notes on Match. I found a guy who reads Bukowski. I looooove Bukowski. So I emailed him. He likes Bukowski but not redheads.
__
UPDATE: Cancer removal, not so bad. She sprayed it with nitrogen or something. It is red, but no gore. For whatever reason having air blown in my face freaks me out. I cannot breath and if it lasts for more than 4 seconds I get a little panicky. I cannot remember what I have done in the last few months where they blew something in my face, but I had the same reaction. Is it just me?
